The Bitch is Back!

Bitch is Back

If you’ve ever read my blog, you will know that I often referenced music.  As I resurrect my blog after more than a year, I felt it appropriate to give homage to Elton John in my title.

You may be asking why I decided to start writing Walk Fiercely again.  The answer is simple.  I had to do it for me.  I hope others will read it and get something out of it.  But the truth is I’ve let myself get so far off track that I need to do anything and everything to “get my groove back”. Stella has nothing on me! Every time I think about it I just can’t believe I let it happen.  Even as I would be eating enough for 3 people at each meal, I would be disgusted with myself and yet I just couldn’t stop.  It is a terrible feeling and wrecks you emotionally and mentally.  Now is the time to regain control over my health. That starts with getting back to what worked for me in the past. This blog is an essential part of that plan.

I started Walk Fiercely because I was excited about where I was with my health and fitness at the time.  It was a wonderful year of writing and sharing.  But it was hard to think of topics every week.  So I gave it up.  My last post was May 16, 2016.  Since then, I have had a huge setback in my goals.  Over the last 16 months I have faced many challenges, mostly emotional.  I tried not to use them as excuses.  I am responsible for what I put in my body and exercising regularly.  But everyone else kept saying “you’ve been through so much” and I started believing it. I would feed (pun intended) into that theory by adding with everything going on I just don’t have time to focus on me, eat well, workout, etc. Total crap!  It has always been a constant struggle for me to eat well and exercise.  At the slightest upset to my schedule, I would get off track and had to crash into something before I could get back on track. Every time, like most people’s stories I hear, I ended up heavier than I was before.  No more!  I can’t let this continue.

I’m not saying my challenges weren’t real.  To put it in perspective, over the last year and a half my sister (who is my soul mate and best friend) was diagnosed with breast cancer and underwent treatments, my brother lost his job and was unemployed for 9 months, my mother fell ill with dementia, had some other problems and ultimately passed away, I had a dear friend pass away from a very rare case of bile duct cancer and I struggled with my own health issues and loss of taste/smell. I have to admit, that is a lot for someone to go through without any side effects.  Consciously I never thought I was reacting to all of that.  Realistically, I’m sure that was part of it.  The good news is my sister is cancer free and thriving, my brother has a job, we gave my mom the greatest send off to her final resting place and my health issues are being addressed.

feet on a bathroom scale - isolatedNow it is time to get real.  I would normally never reveal my weight to anyone, much less in a blog that is on several social media forums. But the point of the blog is to put it all out there, as honestly as possible, making it a cathartic experience.   Since March 2016, I have gone from 170 lbs (I was already on my way up) to today, weighing in at 224 lbs.  Holy cow that is hard for me to say!  I almost choke on the written words. This is the heaviest I’ve ever been in my entire life.  Every time I think about it I just can’t believe I let it get this out of control.  I ate when I was happy, sad, bored, depressed, socially and any other excuse I could find.  And “portion control” wasn’t even in my vocabulary.  I have been eating everything in sight. I was never full, carbs and sugar were my best friends.

But the disappointment and disgust I have in myself has finally surpassed my love of food and bad habits. So I am taking steps to get back to a good place.  Below are just a few of them and will be explored more in future blogs.

  • Seeing a counselor who specializes in living a healthy lifestyle
  • Made a vision board to remind me of my goals
  • Returned to the gym and started an exercise program
  • Starting a new nutrition plan
  • Changing my mindset to know that I deserve to be happy and healthy

I hope you will follow me through this new journey and see where it takes us. We are in this together.  As was before when I wrote the blog, I am always interested to hear your feedback, blog topic suggestions and own personal experiences.

Look for next week’s blog, How I got here. Believe me, it will be a whopper.  And sign up to receive the blog every week on the website.


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16 Responses to The Bitch is Back!

  1. Meg says:

    I am 100% with you, Christa!!

  2. WK says:

    We all wobble off track sometimes…Great that you realize that and lean on us anytime you need help…Train on my friend, we are here for ya…

    • Christa Hamra says:

      Thanks WK! Even when we were “strangers” you were supporting me in my journey. So glad we aren’t strangers anymore. And I will definitely be leaning on you and everyone else through this.

  3. Micah says:

    So awesome to see you back and excited for your journey and the destination!!

    • Christa Hamra says:

      Thank you Micah! My journey isn’t complete without your support. And I appreciate it more than I can ever say.

  4. Andrea Lucas says:

    Wow! You have been through so much and I too am quite the emotional eater so I get where you are coming from. All bad is over and now you can and will and should focus on you! You can’t help anyone if you are struggling both physically and mentally. You got this sister from another mother. Love you!

    • Christa Hamra says:

      Love you too! Thanks for the encouragement. I have the tools, just need to build the foundation. Wow, that was deep. LOL

  5. CT says:

    Congrats, the biggest goal is the mind set of Healthy and Happy, and since you have made that commitment you are on your way. Because its being healthy that will make you happy, oh, and the number on the scales, just a number.

    • Christa Hamra says:

      Thank you CT! I really appreciate your comments. And I know it isn’t about the scale. I’ve only lost 6.5 lbs but feel like I have lost 20 just in my attitude. But I’ll be honest, it is hard not to look at the scale sometimes and think about how far the journey is going to be and how long it will take. But I am in for the long haul. Have a great day. And Walk Fiercely!

  6. Linda W says:

    My goodness You have really been through a lot, lately I hope things stay on the uphill swing. I am so happy you decided to do your blog again Looking forward to it!!

  7. Christa says:

    Thanks Linda! I’m curious how this new journey is going to unfold. Glad there are folks like you to help keep me grounded.

  8. Sydney says:

    Christa!!!!!!! You inspire me!!!!!!! I’m excited to walk this journey with you!!!! You have so much self awareness and I love it! That’s what it takes to grow!!! It’s painful but necessary.

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